I’m Art Pryor…

Are You Having
Problems with Your
Children?

Here’s Why You Should Read Every Word I’m Writing to You!

Please read every word that follows because I may be able to solve your problems, no matter how complicated they are… but….what right do I have to say that? After all, I don’t have a Ph.D. in child psychology!

Or any degree in psychology for that matter….

I have a Master’s Degree in Business Administration just so you know I have an education. But what I do have is experience in what works with kids.

First, I’ve raised three kids of my own.

Ted graduated from Brandeis University and graduated 1/10 of a point short of Summa Cum Laude (Highest Honors). He went on to a career in high level computer programming. He was smart, handsome, had beautiful girlfriends. He was an athlete too. He lived in the mountains outside of Denver. Never gave us a day’s trouble. The worst thing that ever happened to me and my wife…we lost him to cancer at age 38.

Chris went to the University of Pennsylvania – that’s Ivy League - and graduated with honors. He’s traveled all over the world, is a talented photographer and makes his living (a very good one) as an “information architect”. That means he sits down the with executives of Bank of America and American Express to find out what they want on their websites and then works with staffs of web designers to meet their needs.

Jennifer, our daughter, went to University of Florida at Gainesville, then to UF Law School, and is now working for a company that combines undersea treasure hunting and archeology as in-house counsel. She’s learning about the laws of the seas that involve sunken treasure worth multi-millions of dollars – a fascinating job!

Three for three. Winners. Not one of my children ever gave me a moment’s trouble. Did they have issues? Yes, of course! Did they need my wise counsel! You bet! Did they ever get into trouble? Nope. Not a day’s worth.

At a time when kids are experimenting with drugs, when 40% of newborns are out of wedlock, when freshmen girls in high school are giving oral sex to their boyfriends in the school bathrooms, why did my kids do so well?

There are three reasons. But keep in mind, I was just like you.
I had a job. Then I had my own business. I was working 50-60 hours a week just like you.

Along the way I realized that our society had tried to rob me of my relationship with my kids.

A hundred years ago most people lived and worked on farms, near their children. They woke up, worked, ate and slept together. No TV, no computers, no game cubes – just Moms and Dads and kids functioning as a team with the children learning directly from their parent’s example.

But that’s not today. Corporate America has taken that away from us. We leave early in the morning and return at bedtime. Weekends are spent getting done what we couldn’t do during the week. Kids are distracted by their computers and chat rooms and they don’t get their parents influence. They learn in 3 second increments. What do I mean by that? Watch any young person’s show on TV and you’ll see that the scene changes every 3 seconds, training them into shorter and shorter attention spans – training them to learn through their eyes what they see on TV, rather than through what you have to say.

We parents have been replaced by what TV executives and computer geeks consider important (or profitable). Guns, blood, violence, crime, sex and no thinking whatsoever. God forbid. “You got to learn to think.” my father said to me again and again.

The first reason my kids grew up right was because, even though I was away at work, I always, always, always paid attention to them. I could be in the middle of a meeting and if they called, I interrupted the meeting to talk to them. They knew I cared and they knew they could count on me. Even to this day if either Chris or Jen call me everything else stops. Did I lose business? Yes, some – but my children’s security (knowing that I would be there for them at any time) was always more important to me than money. You can replace money. You can’t replace your kids!

My second reason comes out of my martial arts background. OK, here’s something you need to know about me.

Within a few days of starting graduate school I walked by a karate school. I had always wanted to try it so I walked in, started talking to the instructor and tried a few classes. I fell in love. I’ve been training ever since – over 40 years now! Of course, there are lots of different kinds of martial arts. Some are just learning how to beat each other up. Some are all about sports and competition. But the one I stumbled on changed my life forever.

This art I’ve studied for 40+ years is called Soo Bahk Do® (pronounced Sue Bok Doe).  It’s not like anything else. It was created by an absolute genius – a man I respect and admire above all others (he passed away a few years ago) – who came from a totally different culture and had a background as different from mine as it could be.  Yet what he believed and what he taught me totally changed my life – and greatly influenced how I would later raise my children.

One of the first things I learned from this man was this: “courage, concentration, endurance”. It took me years in the army and business, and ….well just plain life to learn what he was talking about:

Courage: Most of us fear trying new things: “Oh I could never do that!” I’ve heard people say it a million times. And a million times people have shied away from something that could make all the difference in the world to them. When you get that little knot of fear in your belly (but what you want to try is reasonable) you have to use your courage to overcome your fear and take a chance.

Concentration: when you’re starting something new you need to pay careful attention and not worry about your performance – just concentrate on what you’re doing and…..

Endurance. Do it over and over and over so you get good at it. When you get good at it you change, and I’ll explain why you change and how you change and this is so very important to children you won’t believe it!

The first “inner secret” to raising kids who have their act together is to give them this lesson again and again and again and keep reminding them and encouraging them to practice: “courage, concentration and endurance.” It may take years, but they will see that it works and that you know what you’re talking about.

So, in raising my kids, I used the same principles I learned in my martial art, Soo Bahk Do®.

The third secret I mentioned above is patience. Now, I’ve been writing articles every month for five publications in South Florida for years. And later on, I’m going to offer you a subscription to my newsletter which is filled with important and significant ways to bring your child up better. But without patience you will get nowhere. Here’s why.

Children are wild animals. We have 18 years to tame them.

Well, that’s kind of funny, but it’s really true. Civilization is a thin veneer on society.

I was living not far from where hurricane Andrew hit in Homestead, Florida in 1993. It wiped Homestead out. Think of hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, only Andrew was wind damage.
I mean, the entire town was flattened. Even the banks. After the storm passed things were quiet for a day or two and then all hell broke loose. People were shooting each other in the street. There was no power, no water, no way to get money, no way to drive out because the roads were strewn with rubble. Miami was only a few miles away – I mean you could walk to it – but Homestead might as well have been on the moon. Civilization as we know it fell apart. Murders in the street, theft, riots, rapes. Just like that.

So if we don’t beat proper behavior into our children’s heads over and over again, the first time they’re challenged they will fall back into their instincts – which is not good.

Now, if you like what you’ve heard so far, I’d like to invite you to read a booklet I wrote and it’s FREE!

To receive a free copy of: "How to Raise Better Children..."

 

OK. Raising kids is hard. No one ever said it would be a picnic. But once you understand the principals you can mold your children, over time, to be as highly successful as they can be.  Here’s the first principal:

YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT and YOU MUST SET BOUNDARIES.

Now, think of a two year old who has just learned to walk. Where do they go? Wherever you let them! Right out the front door, into the street because for a young child, there is no right and wrong, no safe or dangerous, there are NO BOUNDARIES until YOU PLACE THEM THERE and as a result they are at serious risk!  Once you place the boundary “DO NOT WALK OUT THAT DOOR!” you must keep it. Why? Because if you change it, just once, it’s no longer the boundary! The boundary has moved. And if it can move once, it can move again.

Now, here is one of the big differences between boys and girls.
It’s a combination of hard wiring and chemicals. The most important thing to boys is their independent ability to accomplish something. “Independent” is the operative word. This is due to a combination of male brain structure and testosterone. To girls, the most important thing is relationships. This is our genetic code speaking. Of course, there are wide varieties of this. Some boys are quiet and compliant and some girls are very aggressive.

But you can count on a boy challenging your authority, even at age 3. “Do Not Walk Out That Door!” is an order, but to a boy, it may be a challenge and they will test you again and again. That’s how we are, Ladies. That’s why God gave you so much patience. But that raises another issue.

I care a lot about “at-risk” kids. What happens to kids is out of their control. They don’t choose their lives, we give it to them. One of the qualifications of being “at-risk” is being brought up in a single parent home.

This is important. A man can’t teach a girl how to put on make up. And a woman can’t teach a boy how to handle a fight.

So that little three year old boy who is standing at the door testing you for the umpteenth time and about to run out needs a father to put him in his place.

Trust me on this, ladies, boys and men understand physical power. They don’t mess with someone who is going to give them a whopping. Sometimes junior needs a whack on the behind to remind him who is in charge. And if you, Mom, can’t deliver it, it needs to be Dad. And as a rule children need both Mom and Dad at home, in a stable environment.

Of course, not everyone nowadays can have that. So Mom’s have to get strong, and Dad’s have to be supportive.

Does this all make sense? I mean, plain old common sense? Good.

If you’d like to read one of the articles I’ve published - "What to do when your child has a temper tantrum" - for free:

 

What else makes me a child behavior expert?

A few things, really.

First, I’ve been teaching my martial art, Soo Bahk Do® every day for the past 12 years. My two schools have over 250 students in them and most of them are kids – kids age 4-12.

The come in all sizes shapes and colors and with all the behavioral problems you can imagine, and I’ve taught them all the same principals I taught my own children and I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t.

I’ve taught kids with ADD, ADHD, Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, learning disabilities, prenatal alcohol syndrome, Down’s syndrome, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, and all kinds of Autism and Asberger’s Syndrome. Some were suicidal. Some had gross and/or fine motor coordination problems…the list goes on and on and I built such a reputation for my schools that parents brought their problem children to me first. I got so expert at it that the psychology department of Miami Children’s Hospital, Dan Marino Center and my schools partnered to develop the first program ever designed to build social skills in special needs kids using martial arts as the teaching tool.  I now employ two special needs teachers who are black belts in my programs.

What I’ve seen over and over again is that children are born with certain tendencies, or their early life experiences create behavior issues, but parents do not know how to deal with them, or the parent’s attitudes and behaviors contribute to the problems.

But there’s more…

My best friend is Jerry Gluck. Or I should say, Dr. Jerry Gluck. Jerry is a therapist who specializes in brain function. He is brilliant. He and I have spent literally hundreds of hours discussing how the brain works and why and what can be done through martial arts to help kids change their behavior.

But there’s more…

I’ve worked extensively with religious leaders of all faiths who try to guide their members into better forms of behavior and better character and what they want, and what I teach (excluding the religious part) – are identical.
Think about this.

Did you ever meet a child who could look you in the eye, shake your hand, have an intelligent conversation with you? A child who always did his or her best in school, who knew right from wrong, who always did what they said they were going to do, who got along with his siblings and was a leader with his peers? Who knows that junk food is junk. And that Brittany Spears is not the person to imitate?

Did you ever meet a kid like that? That’s what I create.

But my special love is for “at-risk” children. They are so helpless and sometimes their moms and dads have things going on that are just beyond their control.

For years I taught the children of a family. The mother had recurring cancer. She was in and out of the hospital and near death’s door 3 to 4 times a year. Each time her three kids were in terror of losing her. Imagine being 4 or 9 or 12 and going through that.

But it gets worse.

The youngest was bright and normal. The next oldest was extra bright and normal. The oldest was pretty severely autistic and hard to control.

The father had suffered a back injury which left him unable to work. They had no family to help them.

They lived on the edge of poverty with a very sick mother and a very disturbed oldest son.
Or how about the woman who had two teen age boys? She supported her husband throughout med school when the kids were born. Her husband finished school and abandoned her and his kids and left the country.

It gets worse again. She got cancer, got treated for it successfully and went into remission but she didn’t have health insurance so she went way into debt and also had chronic anemia.
Her kids were great but she lived in a very low income neighborhood where their lives were threatened.

My schools helped them out too.

Or the Mom who won’t tell me what’s wrong with her, but she’s sick and her 10 year old delightful son is autistic and her health insurance company cut her off. The father took off. And she’s left with a big, strong child who is with some frequency seriously depressed and sometimes out of control.

It’s enough to make my heart break and so I found a way to help these kids.

Here’s a good example of how kids end up in trouble.

Jimmy (it’s not his real name, but all the facts are true) was only 1 when his parents broke up. His Mom moved back to her native Central America where she lived with Jimmy’s Grandmother. Mom had to go back to the U.S. to deal with lawyers and starting up a new life. Jimmy was 1 ½ at the time.  It got complicated and Mom was away for the better part of 2 years only coming back occasionally to be with her son. But he was doing fine (so it appeared) with Grandma.

The Mom got her life back together and took Jimmy back to live with her in her new home in Florida. She found another man, a good man, and they got married and he was very good to Jimmy. Everything seemed fine until Jimmy started Kindergarten, and then all hell broke loose.

Mom dropped him off the first day and he seemed ok, so she went to her job. Within a few hours he was screaming, hitting, biting and completely disobedient. Within a few days he was thrown out of his after-care program for the same behavior and shortly Mom was told that if she couldn’t get Jimmy under control he would be thrown out of school. In kindergarten!

What went wrong? Mom and Dad didn’t know. What came out finally at my school was separation anxiety. Jimmy somehow felt it big-time when Mom left to go through the divorce. And as long as he was home with her he was ok. But take him out of that environment and he freaked.

It’s taken several months but he’s much more under control now. It isn’t gone, but he brings home smiley faces from his teacher almost every day.

Now, what do you need?  Well, honestly, the first thing to look at is yourself, because the chances are, you’re contributing to your child’s problem. Maybe you’re overprotecting. Maybe your rules and discipline are erratic.  You first need to learn more about how children function and how adults function so you can diagnose and change yourself. To do that, you need my newsletter.

The good news? I can email it to you. One issue a week so you have some time to digest what I say and start to work on changing.
The next thing you need to look at is your child. But the chances are, even if you’re right about his or her problems, you’re going to need some help. But more about that help later.

My newsletter will run for an entire year – 52 issues – and each one is both short and to the point, but crammed with straightforward information you can use immediately. Now I’m sorry, but I do this for a living so I have to charge you, but it’s going to be so very little compared to what you’re going to learn that it’s beyond being a bargain. It’s a steal!

I mean, how many thousand dollars would you spend to improve your child? How many hours would you have to go to a child psychologist to get the same information? How many dumb books on child rearing would you have to read before you learned the truth?

I’m sorry but I have to interrupt myself here. I’ve read so many books by child experts that are just nonsense.  Keep in mind that child experts look for something new to say so they can write a book and make money.  Lots of it. And a lot of their “new style” of thinking just doesn’t work. Some of it is silly. Some of it is stupid. But most of it just doesn’t do any good and some do a lot of harm. You know, concepts like: “It doesn’t matter how much time you spend with your kids as long as it’s quality time.” What a lie.

Anyway, 52 issues of my newsletter is only $36.00.

 

What are you going to get? Knowledge and knowledge is power. Here are some titles:

• Dealing with Disrespectful Kids
• Impulsivity and Teens
• When Boys Try to Take Control
• Good Habits vs. Bad Habits
• How to Build Listening Skills
• How to Build Socialization Skills
• How to Help Kids Face Fear
• and much more...

Now, maybe reading and trying to do it yourself isn’t for you. Maybe you need more “hands on” help. You can get it for 30 days for free at either of my schools. Or if you live in the following areas I can send you to my friends who teach the same way I do.
(List of schools).

To get help for 30 days for free at one of my schools

 

HERE’S A MAJOR CHANGE OF TOPIC THAT IS COMPLETELY IMPORTANT.

Do you or your husband or “significant other” travel? Do you make your reservations on line?

Do you like to take vacations?

Here’s how you can help yourself and help the at risk kids I work with and it won’t cost you a cent.

Years ago I started a charity that provides scholarships for at risk kids to take martial arts. Over 100 martial arts schools in 30 states have joined my effort. The charity is the Sidekick Foundation, Inc. (www.sidekickfoundation.org)

Now you can get the same seat on the airplane, the same hotel room, the same car rental, the same cruise and more and maybe even save a bundle by going to my charity’s travel website:

To go to Sidekick Travel:

You see, if you book your reservations there, you get the same seat or room or car or cabin, but the foundation gets the travel commission - rather than Expedia, or Orbitz or one of those guys!
So,,,,,,would you rather give that commission money to a billionaire or to help at-risk children?

It’s a powerful website where you can even purchase theater tickets, make golf reservations, book hunting and fishing trips, cruise around the world, order flowers, make golf reservations or just hop a jet plane.

If you use it, kids all over the country will benefit and God bless you!

Now I have to talk about diet!

A lot of kids are seriously, big time, fat. And you know how bad that is! And among the most serious eating problems is that kids do not get nearly enough fresh raw fruit and vegetables.

Now picture this: it’s 10,000 BC and mankind is still living in caves, as they have for about 1,000,000 years. What do they eat? They’re still hunter/gatherers. They eat roots, nuts, fruits, whatever leaves, grasses seeds they can find and the occasional rabbit, squirrel, gazelle, worms, bugs, whatever they can find. But the majority of their diet is from plants.

That is how we have evolved. That is what our body chemistry depends on. Lots of vegetable derived foods and some meat protein. And up until maybe 100 years ago, that is what we ate.

What do kids eat nowadays? Fried chicken fingers, pizza, and frozen, boxed or packaged snacks, like Fritos! What does that all have in common? It’s brown. It’s dead. It’s filled with fat. And it has almost none of the nutrients our bodies depend on.

The result? The head of medical research at Yale University Medical school said this: “ Because of their diet, our children may be the first generation to have a shorter life span than their parents.”

75 years ago kids walked to school and there were gym classes and when they got home they had physical chores. 10,000 years ago they either worked hard physically or they died.

Nowadays they get bussed or drive to school, there’s no gym, and when they get home they sit on their computers or games for hours on end. Bad food. No exercise.

Our kids are sicker than we ever were and they’re being set up to be seriously ill as they grow older.  Type II diabetes used to be called “Adult onset”. Not any more. One of 150 boys is autistic and it may come in part from the antibiotics in cow’s milk. Asthma is an epidemic.

Some of these problems are environmental – dirty air, and no exercise. Some of it is plain bad food.

So what can you do?

I found an answer. But let me tell you about me. I’m in my 60’s and I found that when I got a cut or a bruise it would take 3-4 times longer to heal than it did when I was in my 40’s. If it was taking my skin that long to heal because of ageing, what was going on inside my body with all the little tears that occur every day?

So, I found a nutrient and got on it and after about 4 months, my healing time went back to where it was when I was in my 40’s. What I realized was that:  I had a dietary deficiency that was contributing to my ageing!

So I took this nutrient to people I know. Many reported that they slept better. Others reported all kinds of symptoms disappearing, but that was because they all had dietary deficiencies they didn’t know about!

What was the nutrient? Fruits and vegetables- every day, and a wide variety of them.

But I didn’t buy fresh. Neither did my friends. That is inconvenient and terribly expensive.  Instead, we found a company that processes ripe, fresh, raw fruits and veggies and turns them into a capsule that you take (or absolutely delicious gummies for kids) that replaces the full daily requirement (new standard) set by our government.

Then I saw the medical research. I was astounded!

These were real studies done not just once, but over and over again, to scientific standards in all different parts of the world.

After just a few weeks the immune system was strengthened. People were healthier. And it’s fact, not hype!

One of the things that I’ve found that effects children’s performance is their diet. The worse the diet, the worse their performance. I’ve seen it again and again. The kids who live on chicken fingers and pizza are not as healthy and don’t do as well in anything!

So if you want your child doing better, you need to get them on a better diet.

And if you can’t get them to each 13 servings a day of fresh raw fruits and veggies…..

Here’s the next big secret to bringing up your kids successfully!

They’re not you, and who they are and will be is not a reflection of you.

What do I mean by that?

Many, many parents confuse themselves with their children. They don’t quite understand that when you have a child, you have chosen to bring up another human being who may look like you and have some of your traits, but who is otherwise totally different! Your son or daughter is not going to live your life – so it is up to you to prepare them to live theirs.

What does that mean?

First, make sure they’re competent in all basic areas like schoolwork and cleanliness and responsibility and getting along with others. How do you do that?

Do Not Put Them Down through your criticism.

REMEMBER THIS: Praise/Correct/Praise. When they’ve done something incorrectly, point out everything they did right, then bring to their attention what they did wrong, then praise them again – for their effort or sticktoitivity, or something, anything!

PRAISE CORRECT PRAISE is the right way to get through to them. You make them feel good about themselves, you point out their mistake in a non-threatening way, then you bring them back to feeling good.

Not too many people do this, but boy, oh boy, does it work!

Otherwise if you just say “Johnny, you did really bad on your math. I’m disappointed.” Johnny just gets mad and defensive – he doesn’t look at anything except how to make himself feel better – like disappearing into his computer, or smoking pot.

My Next Secret Is:

Always set the example!

What do kids do except copy their parents, their teachers, their friends, or what they see on TV or learn on their computer?

If you want your child to be neat, you must be neat. If you child is to be organized, you be organized. If you want bravery out of your child show it to him or her. Got the idea?

You are a tremendously powerful influence on your child and what you do (not what you say) they will copy.

My Next Secret Is:

Whether you’re Mom or Dad, you’re the teacher. So every effort you make must be to instruct your child and get them to learn from you.

YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND. PERIOD.
You may be entirely alone. You may not have any friends. You may not like anyone else, or everyone may dislike you, but there is NO EXCUSE for turning you child into Your Best Friend. (Just about the worst thing you can do!)

Why?

I have a friend whose father was one of Hollywood’s founding Talent Agents. My friend grew up during Hollywood’s “Golden Years”.  Cary Grant, John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe were in and out of his house every weekend. You know what he had to say about them? “A bunch of overgrown children. I hated them.” he said.

You see, when you get really close to someone you get to see their warts. And we all have them. And when you see their warts you lose respect.  They may be beautiful, rich, talented – but when they act like a jerk you see them as a – jerk.

But you’re Mom or Dad. And while you can’t be perfect, if you’re their friend, you’re no longer in charge. You lose their respect.

I’ve met so many Moms who had one last child who was their “best friend” and so many Dads whose fathers had been cold and rejecting who swore they would be close to their kids. Well, you can be close BUT YOU CAN’T BE THEIR FRIEND. YOU MUST MAINTAIN YOUR AUTHORITY.

In brining up my kids I had to swat my older son once and my younger son twice and my daughter never. A whack on the behind will not kill them if they need it. But at the same time, spanking doesn’t do much good. A whack on the behind isn’t about pain. It’s about being in charge. Guys understand this. If you have the power to whack me on the behind I’m going to pay attention. Then again, if you hit me to the point of real pain, I’m going to hate you.

Beating children, while being entirely illegal and morally wrong, does little good.

On the other hand, some children only respect physical authority. Use it rarely and judiciously. And once you’ve hit them, go over WHY you hit them so they understand.

Mom’s if your daughter curses you out, smack their face. They’ll run to their bedrooms and cry but it’s up to you to follow and explain why you did that. When they say: “Don’t hit me again” you respond with “Don’t provoke me again and I won’t hit you again”.

HERE’S ANOTHER SECRET

Kids should get punished when they break the rules. So make the rules very clear. The rules have to change and progress as they get older, but always, the rules must be very, very clear. As well as the punishments for breaking them.

Now, of course, they’re going to break the rules – perhaps just to test you. And when you administer the punishment, tell them that since they knew they were breaking the rules they must be punished and you can’t understand why they wanted to punish themselves! In fact, every time they get punished, it’s because they broke the rules so why do they keep on punishing themselves?

After a while that sinks in. “Darn”, they say “I’m just doing this to myself!” and they give up that behavior.

If you haven’t already, it’s time you tried my techniques out. Just make sure that you are consistent with your new behavior so they understand that you mean what you say and you say what you mean.

If you’ve already tried my secrets and you see that they work then you should try 30 days for free at my karate schools.